How to Rekindle Sex in Marriage

October 25, 2023
by Trisha Walker

Are you feeling like the fire has gone out in your marriage? You're not alone. With the busyness of everyday life, it's easy for the passion and intimacy in a marriage to fizzle out. But fear not, because there are steps you can take to rekindle the spark and bring back the excitement and closeness in your relationship. 

In our October’s podcast episode, we interviewed Pastors Clint & Jennifer Adams where they talked about strengthening your marital connection and tips on how to rekindle sex in marriage.  Here are just a few highlights from this topic for practical and intentional ways to ignite the flames in the bedroom.     

1. Being intentional in your relationship by keeping sex a priority

Pastor Clint said it is important to start by spreading good seeds into your marriage.  He gave some simple ways to do this, such as, being intentional with your words, being intentional with your actions, and being intentional in thinking about your spouse above yourself.  Pastor Jennifer said it is important to shift your perspective from focusing only on yourself and your needs to focusing on loving your spouse and what they need.  She said, “Everything gets taken care of for me when I shift my focus to how I can love him [Clint]”.

“He who loves his life will lose it and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” 
John 12:25 (NKJV)

2. Be sure to cultivate your friendship & nurture intimacy

Building intimacy first starts by spending time with one another and by being friends.  I remember when our kids were young. Thomas and I had demanding jobs and long commutes.  Sometimes it just felt like we were two ships that passed in the wind.  However, we would make it a point to take one evening once or twice a month to let my oldest nephew or my mother in-law babysit.  We didn’t have much money to spend, so we would take a drive somewhere and just listen to music (something we would often do when we first met and fell in love).  Another thing we would sometimes do after a long day is run a bubble bath for the two of us to get in, relax and just talk.  How you build friendship and intimacy as a couple can be unique to you and your relationship.  The important thing is that you cultivate and nurture whatever works for you both to help in keeping your marriage strong.

3. Build a lasting connection

Building and maintaining connection in marriage requires starting outside of the bedroom before even getting inside of the bedroom.  In this episode of Seeds For Your Marriage, Thomas said, “Sex, our physical fitness, our finances, how we communicate, and our relationship with Christ; these are all connected elements in cultivating and sustaining a strong connection in marriage.”  Have open lines of communication with each other about what you both want and need inside and outside of the bedroom.  This can help to create empathy for our spouse and bring vulnerability into the relationship.  When we can be fully authentic in who we are, what we are experiencing, what we want, and share these things in a loving way with our partner, it gives them the opportunity to do the same with us.  This begins to create connection and trust in the relationship.

If you'd like to explore this topic further, we recommend checking out our blog, where we regularly share articles on faith, marriage, and personal growth.

We interviewed Pastors Clint & Jennifer Adams (episode 7) on our podcast, Seeds For Your Marriage where they shared how they cultivated a strong connection in their marriage spanning over three decades and gave a wealth of wisdom on keeping the spark alive. From maintaining a steadfast intention for a thriving family and marriage to aligning on shared interests, they leave no stone unturned as they delve into the heart of marital intimacy.

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Trisha & Thomas Walker have been married for 27+ years, live in the San Francisco Bay Area and have three children. They are relationship coaches and founding Directors of LGLP Ministries, Inc. (Love God Love People), a 501c3 organization since 2014. They were both certified as Couple Communication™ Coaches in 2010 and then as ThriveSphere™ Relationship Map Facilitators in 2020. The minisry’s vision is to see healed and whole families that impact their communities with the love of God to bring restoration, unity, and transformation

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