Are you tired of having the same fight about finances in your relationship? 

We'll offer guidance on overcoming common communication problems in marriage and together, we're going to uncover the secret to a harmonious marriage, where open communication trumps everything, even parenting.

This episode of Seeds For Your Marriage podcast, is a deep dive into the bonds of marriage, the significance of sexual intimacy, and the power of making your spouse a priority. You'll hear about Pastor Clint's personal journey of how his life changed when he made his wife, Jennifer, the financial manager in their relationship. We'll offer guidance on overcoming common communication problems in marriage.
Clip from our podcast interview with Pastor Clint and Jennifer Adams from Revive Church in San Francisco
Join us as we break down the financial dynamics that often go unchecked in marriages together with Clint and Jennifer Adams, pastors of Revive Church in San Francisco. We'll share how having a joint account can create a sense of financial unity and security. We'll also explore the spiritual side of marriage, reflecting on the wisdom found in Proverbs 18:22 and unpacking the concept of favor. You'll discover that the willingness to sacrifice for each other's benefit is not just a noble idea, but a biblical principle that can transform your relationship. Overcoming financial conflicts requires mutual understanding and communication skills for marriage.
Finally, we'll discuss self-care and explore how aligning with the Lord can breathe new life into your marriage. You'll discover the importance of nurturing every area of your life, with Christ at the center, to reap benefits in other areas. As we wrap up, I'd love to hear your thoughts and feedback. Remember, effective communication is the key to success in marriage, understanding your partner's communication style is vital, and vulnerability is the lifeline to intimacy. Tune in, and let's start transforming your marriage today with improved communication and a deeper connection with your spouse.

Listen to Full Episode

Transcript

Trisha Walker: 0:00
Previously on.

Jennifer Adams: 0:02
Seeds for your Marriage. Johnson said this at a conference that sexual relations with your mate is a weapon of warfare. And I do believe that, because that's something that you have with this person that you don't have with anyone else and it is covenant. It's a covenant relationship through the cutting of the covenant and I believe that sexual relations are very important. I believe there's a connectivity that you get from that, especially when you're living the life that we're talking about, not just having sex, but there's a connection that comes that is so intimate and binding that you feel different about that person than you would any other friend.

Clint Adams: 0:47
Be intentional. This all leads to a good marriage. Right, it's to be intentional with your words, be intentional with your actions, and these are the seeds, your seeds of marriage, you guys are talking about Just words of wisdom.

Thomas Walker: 1:03
How do I start to shift my relationship towards what I want if I'm standing in a place where it's not what I want?

Trisha Walker: 1:12
Just the seeds for your marriage podcast, where we interview married couples who have overcome difficulties in their marriage, ensure their testimony of how they did it. We want these tips and tools to inspire and help you thrive in your marriage.

Thomas Walker: 1:27
We are Trisha and Thomas Walker relationship coaches. We teach couples proven strategies to connect deeply and achieve God's design for an amazing marriage. That doesn't have to change over the years, because you've got 30 years where your friendship has continued to get stronger and stronger and stronger, and I guarantee you the Clint and Jennifer that are in front of me today are not the same Clint from 30 years ago. Yet you've continued to cultivate a relationship that has continued to strengthen from season to season to season Definitely.

Jennifer Adams: 2:01
And I think some of that does come through working through things together, living life together and working through things together. It strengthens your relationship even more. You can allow it to strengthen or weaken.

Thomas Walker: 2:15
It's all about choice yeah, so good.

Clint Adams: 2:18
There's another issue, I think that a lot of marriages have when you have children. It tends to happen with women more than men, but the women tend to get closer to the children than they do their own mate, and one thing Jen and I never we decided a long time ago was that we would be number one, not the kids, and the Bible says for this cause, a man and woman will leave their father and mother Right, and so a lot of marriages end up where they've put so much emphasis on the children and they've become so close to them that they would rather lose their mate, their spouse, than their child. And so I think that you need to protect yourself and realize, hey, children need to be children and the spouse needs to be the spouse, right?

Trisha Walker: 3:15
Yeah.

Clint Adams: 3:16
And not take that role on.

Jennifer Adams: 3:18
Yeah, and I believe when you were saying that I was getting a picture of it's not just like being connected to your child above your spouse, but once you do that it can produce an unhealthy lifestyle and unhealthy stronghold. That whenever you go to have your marriage that kid goes to have their marriage, that they have that unhealthy connectivity to their parent that they don't know how to connect to their spouse.

Thomas Walker: 3:51
Kind of leave leave.

Trisha Walker: 3:52
Yeah, yeah.

Jennifer Adams: 3:52
Because there was an unhealthy connection that they were brought under. Brought up in. Does this?

Trisha Walker: 3:59
make sense. It does, it makes a ton of sense.

Jennifer Adams: 4:02
I just saw that. I was like, wow, okay, that makes sense that you have to relearn. Okay, this isn't the way it's meant to be.

Trisha Walker: 4:12
Yeah, those unhealthy soul ties that can get created, even unintentionally. Right, definitely. So. Get the kids out of the bed, yes.

Thomas Walker: 4:24
They shouldn't be sleeping in the bed with you when they're seven years old, you know, yeah.

Trisha Walker: 4:28
I mean even earlier than that, you know, making sure. I mean at some point yes, you have to. You talked about the 777. At some point you do have to go on a vacation, just the two of you.

Thomas Walker: 4:39
Yes.

Trisha Walker: 4:39
Family vacations are wonderful, but the vacation with just me and him is even more wonderful, right, and? But you do have to to want that and agree that this is important and communicate about it, because if you just if you don't communicate about it, then nothing of her happens.

Jennifer Adams: 4:58
That's right.

Trisha Walker: 4:58
You know, when our youngest was born, we were a desperate I think she was almost a year we were desperately in need of vacation, just the two of us. And but I was still nursing and he says, well, I want to go on this cruise, we need this, we need to go on this this time, just the two of us. My mom's gonna come, and so you just you need to, you know, stop breastfeeding. And I'm like, wow, like that's a big choice, because I wanted a breastfeeding longer. And I was like, oh, okay, but I had to choose.

Thomas Walker: 5:32
So we bought a pump. Yeah, there you go.

Trisha Walker: 5:34
I bought a pump and I yeah, I mean I had to eventually stop breastfeeding, you know because, but still, yeah, I had to choose that time with him over my child.

Jennifer Adams: 5:46
Yeah, yeah. Well, your children they leave, yeah they do.

Trisha Walker: 5:50
Thank God.

Clint Adams: 5:52
They do not stay forever.

Jennifer Adams: 5:54
Hopefully, yeah.

Trisha Walker: 5:55
Right.

Jennifer Adams: 5:56
Yeah, and so this is, this relationship is what we have forever, right?

Thomas Walker: 6:01
Yeah, it stays, and so, yeah, and we, yeah, I agree, like when we were raising kids we had to make that very clear, because we agree it's God, and then it's Tricia, you know, and then the kids come beneath that and then work comes beneath that. And we had to make that very clear to our kids. That's right, Because kids they want.

Thomas Walker: 6:23
I call them wedges and they pick up on if I can get in right. And then the next thing, you know you've created separation, and it can be unintentional. I don't think kids want to do that, but they're they're going to gravitate to where they're getting what they want, right, that's what that's their starting point in life is give me what I want.

Trisha Walker: 6:41
Give me what I want.

Thomas Walker: 6:42
And and so, yeah, I'm just. I think that's really important is to make sure that we keep the proper order of priorities and then make sure the behaviors follow that.

Jennifer Adams: 6:52
And the truth is to have healthy kids. My relationship with Clint needs to be what God created right, or else that relationship, the kids will not have a healthy lifestyle. They won't be brought up in a healthy lifestyle. So a lot of times we think, oh, we have to do what's right for the kids and all this. But if you get your relationship right with your spouse, all of that will fall in line. They will see a healthy role model of what life is supposed to be like and they will become a healthy individual.

Trisha Walker: 7:24
Yeah, that's so true, yeah, okay so we've.

Thomas Walker: 7:26
We've hit friends right. Friend being friends is good. It's a good route that we need to kind of nurture so it can grow to produce fruit. Sex is good. Okay, it's holy, it's a, it's a route. It's not a fruit, if you will. And there's another area I wouldn't call this a fruit, maybe, or a root, but finances, as you know. I mean, you've worked with a lot of couples over the years, I'm sure where finances becomes one of those wedges, if you will, that can wreak havoc in a relationship. Yeah, and when we were having breakfast you were sharing, sharing that you haven't had a lot of disagreements, but one area that, if you have had conflict or areas you've had to walk through, it's been in the area of finances. So I just wanted to bring that into the conversation and have you share a little bit about your journey and as it relates to finances and and what you've walked through there and overcome.

Jennifer Adams: 8:21
I just want to speak to one little thing about finances, and sometimes people say this may be a little old school, but for me it was very important. Whenever we married, clint had some debt. I didn't have any debt, but I knew he had school, school loans. Coming into that relationship, I knew that whatever he had was becoming mine and whatever I had was becoming his. So I was willing to take on what he had his debt and and and one of the decisions we made for us was to have a joint account and we didn't separate our finances. We've never separated our finances, we've always been together on that, and I feel like it's it's very important in order to cultivate a good, healthy relationship is that I'm not going to hide anything from him, he's not going to hide anything from me. Whatever is mine is his, and vice versa. So, yeah, I just will say that from the beginning with finances, yeah, and there's some.

Clint Adams: 9:29
I know some cases where maybe a man or a woman has had issues with drugs or something and they may have to separate accounts and keep real tight control over money or something. But one of the things we found out is that you know one thing Jesus he talks about more than anything in scriptures is about his money, you know. And so if we can get that right, it's going to be a benefit to us and not a hindrance. Right, and so for us it was very important that we became one in finances, and you're still. I don't know about you guys, but for us it's still been as a pastor.

Clint Adams: 10:06
You're not making a lot of money, right, it was a challenge to in the financial realm, and so we were always struggling and there was always something that was happening and going wrong, and so those were just times that we had to work through those things. And you know what I found out was being a husband, I think, means being a house manager is the actual term for it and it means it doesn't mean that I'm over everything. It means that I find out who does what best and let them be over it.

Clint Adams: 10:38
And what I found out was is that Jennifer was better with finances than I was, and so I said okay, you're going to be the finance manager. And she ran the checking account, she ran the checkbook, she paid the bills, she did everything because she was better at it. I was to be honest with you just flipping with it wouldn't fill out the register. I still want to fill out a register right.

Clint Adams: 11:01
I mean, even with the church. The accountant calls hey, could you have Clint put in these expenses and the expensive eye? I'm like, oh God, I hate this. So a lot of people think like, and especially men well, I'm in control and I make the money. I make more money than she does, which I do right now. Maybe it'll change one day.

Clint Adams: 11:22
But I should have more say so about what we do with the finances. And really what I did was, you know, the Bible says submitting yourselves one to another. It does talk about why submit yourself to your husband, but there's submitting yourselves one to another. And so there was a time that I had to submit to her on the finances, and so that was good. It was good, it was a good season to say, okay, you make the decisions and then we'll go buy that.

Clint Adams: 11:52
Now, most of the time, we have like a meeting before we do anything. You know, we're not going to spend a lot of money, we're not going to buy a car without any the other ones approval or whatever it is. So we'll meet together and we'll say, okay, this is a big expense coming up, do we want to do this? And we'll make that decision together. And what we found out is, if we're not in agreement, we usually just don't do it, and so. But on the finances, a lot of times I had to, as especially with kids I just submitted to her because she did it better. She was just a better financial person than I was.

Thomas Walker: 12:29
So, listeners, this man knows what he's talking about. Listen to Clint. I've learned through experience everything, every example you've given I've walked through, of being able to realize Trisha's better at finances than me realizing, of not going out and buying the car and bringing it home and saying, oh hey honey.

Trisha Walker: 12:51
Look at this.

Thomas Walker: 12:52
So this is real talk right here, like these are real, I think, examples and perspectives that I think are real as to a man being humble enough and vulnerable enough and honest enough to acknowledge who's better at what and let that, as a house manager, divide and conquer.

Clint Adams: 13:11
Right, that's right. Yeah, it'll be a better house if she does the finances.

Trisha Walker: 13:18
Okay, so we have two scriptures that we want to highlight. So the first one is Proverbs 1822. So he who finds a wife obtains favor of the Lord, finds a good thing and obtains favor of the Lord. So he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor for the Lord, and you were talking about that earlier. Do you want to explain how you interpret that and what that means to you?

Clint Adams: 13:40
Yeah, so, and I think that we could, because the scriptures were written by mainly males. You know, men we could probably put spouse there, because it could be she found a husband, you know is that when you find a spouse, you it's not only just a good I mean, it is a good thing but it's also the favor of the Lord. You obtain the favor of God, and so she brings the favor of God on my life and I bring the favor of God on her life. So it has that idea of sacrifice, almost. You know that, like Jesus laid down his life so that we would obtain favor, right, and so it's the same way in marriage. I lay down my life so that she'll obtain favor, she lays down her life so I'll obtain favor.

Thomas Walker: 14:33
I think that's like wow, just to think that the way God set up this life is that he's using you to bless Jennifer and he set up Jennifer to bless you.

Clint Adams: 14:49
That's right, that's so good and that's the perspective, right? I mean, if every marriage could have that. We've been raised too much with our wants, our needs, right, and we've been told to focus on those. You know, and I need to focus on her needs and she needs to focus on my needs.

Trisha Walker: 15:05
So it's interesting, we used to have that scripture written on a rock. I don't know if you remember we had it written on a rock and it was on our front porch when we lived in Seattle, and so I that scripture actually means a lot to me. I really felt like when you talk about family and generations, and I just really felt like it just said something about who we were as a family and as a married couple and I just felt like it really, I don't know, just spoke to who we were when people would come to our house.

Clint Adams: 15:34
Yeah, that's good.

Trisha Walker: 15:36
What was the second one?

Thomas Walker: 15:37
Oh, the second one is Proverbs 1914. You touched on this earlier too. Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.

Clint Adams: 15:50
Yeah, the you know, just be imprudent about, as a spouse, just looking to the future and not living by the moment, in the sense of I'm just letting things happen. You know, chaos naturally comes right. I mean, if you, if you've got a garden in your backyard, you don't have to do anything and weeds are going to sprout up, right, yeah. But a prudent farmer weeds the field, he goes out there, pulls the weeds, he waters, he fertilizes, he does all of those things and and he's prudent about it. Why are we not prudent with our marriages? We just think that what we're going to say this we're going to get married, kiss each other, and it's going to live and bliss the rest of our life. And it just doesn't happen. You have to be prudent about your marriage.

Thomas Walker: 16:38
So good. I remember about six months into our marriage I don't know if you remember this but um, you know, when you get married it's bliss right. You go on your honeymoon and blah, blah, blah, life is good. All the like the endorphins and everything is being released in the brain is like you're looking at your finger. You're like, oh my gosh, like look at that. And then, six months into our marriage, I looked at you and I said the honeymoon is over. You remember that?

Thomas Walker: 17:03
No you don't remember that, cause you looked at me like that when I said it, and what I was saying at that time was if we're really going to have the beautiful marriage that we want, we are going to have to work for it.

Clint Adams: 17:16
Yeah, let's do that, that's right.

Jennifer Adams: 17:19
Yeah, there's a scripture that I wanted to read he who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. It just was making me think about. A lot of times our perspective is all about me and what I want. But if I shift that perspective just like what we were talking about to Clint, everything's taken care of for me. When I just don't look at me and I look at, how can I love him? To me, that's what that scripture is saying.

Thomas Walker: 17:51
Yeah, that's really good. Sorry about that, sorry about bringing up that memory we're still living in the honeymoon phase, sorry. So I think we're going to start to wind down and one of the things we like to do, clint and Jennifer, is just have you release words over the listeners, words of encouragement. You know, everything that you've said has been such. I mean, I'm sure people are going to go back and listen to this, because sometimes you have to listen multiple times and really catch everything that was released, and there was a lot of wisdom and experience and biblical perspective that has been released. Let's try to sum it up right. So we've talked about fruit versus root. We've talked about cultivating friendship and sex and finances as some areas that we need to really work on, and just being intentional about our habits and our routines, focusing on each other and then taking a stand and declaring this is the marriage we will. You know, as for me, in my house, we will serve the Lord.

Thomas Walker: 18:58
Right, that's a strong statement. It sets. It sets so much in motion, so share a little bit, if you will summarize, or any new nuggets. Like people are out there, they need encouragement, they need hope, they need faith and some practical steps that they can maybe take to start to move in a different direction if they're not getting what they want right now.

Clint Adams: 19:17
Yeah, I'm going to bring one more up in just a second. The first thing is the practical is start date night Just. Start with date night just, or date day, whatever it is. We get a whole day off, so we just spend the day together. And then I was thinking about this with the sex life and with just overall marriage. Health is what about physical health? You know, I was overweight, I was 250 pounds before we moved to California and I had high blood pressure, a lot of stress on my body, a lot of different things going on. And when we got here, we decided to get in shape, that we were going to get healthy, and I think a lot of people are having problems with their sex life because they're not in shape, they're not healthy. And so our sex life improved once. I lost 30 or 40 pounds.

Clint Adams: 20:14
Amen to that, and so so I just want to encourage people. If you're out there, listen your health is important.

Thomas Walker: 20:22
Yeah, health is important. Go to the gym, work on your body, take care of yourself.

Clint Adams: 20:26
Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, you know. Start eating healthy. You know it's okay to drink a little wine or have a beer or whatever you're doing, but do it in moderation, right? Don't? Don't, you know, don't drink 12 beers every day for six months.

Thomas Walker: 20:40
You're not going to be. You know you're not going to be healthy.

Clint Adams: 20:43
And then wonder why your sex life is going wrong. I'm eating cheeseburgers and fries every day. And you know I don't have the energy to have sex, so I think it's very important to have a good health.

Clint Adams: 20:56
You know, have good, be healthy. Yeah, so that's some of the nuggets. I just want to encourage people if your marriage is struggling, it's not the end, right, it's always say it's a. It's a when you come to a problem. It's an invitation into a better way of living. Right? Because sometimes if you don't go into the problem, then you don't step, make the changes needed. But if you're having problems right now, it's an invitation for change and this is the perfect time to change. And so the Lord is here and he will. I just know the Holy Spirit. He wants to kindle the love between you and your mate. There's something we that we have to do, but there's something he does too. Only the Holy Spirit can make us one flesh. Only the Holy Spirit can make us one flesh. And he didn't say you'll be, you know that we're becoming one flesh. He said we are one flesh. When we got married, we became one flesh, and so the Holy Spirit wants to work with you in that.

Jennifer Adams: 21:57
Yeah, I would just say that realign in yourself with the Lord and if you're having problems with your relationship, to invite the Holy Spirit, invite the Lord in the process, ask the Lord, show me what I need to change, show me what, what I need to do, and ask, ask them, ask them to rekindle, just like we said. But I believe that the first step is making sure that the Lord is in the relationship, because marriage doesn't, marriage doesn't just happen, but you need God in the relationship.

Jennifer Adams: 22:33
Each person needs a relationship with the Lord and then have a relationship together with the Lord and um and have principles that you live by that. Hey, this is just like we said. This is the way we're going to live. We're not going to visit these. We're gonna take these thoughts captive that are coming in, that are not from what God says, and we're gonna align ourselves with the word of God.

Thomas Walker: 22:57
Love it. I love it so good. I really know, I really do like it. It's so good and I'm so glad that you brought it back to you know, our first love and and the father and. And father, son, holy Spirit, being at the center of the relationship. The other piece. As we wind down, I just I have to say this because you've talked about different aspects and I just want to make sure everyone understands it's all connected like if you think about the garden and when roots grow, they all begin to intersect and and intertwine with one another.

Thomas Walker: 23:32
So sex and our physical fitness and our finances and how we communicate and our relationship with Christ. All of this like we have to tend to the entire garden.

Jennifer Adams: 23:43
Yes, yeah, that's good.

Trisha Walker: 23:46
But Christ at the center can get to a lot of the stuff that's in the roots right. So it can not feel overwhelming it with his help.

Thomas Walker: 23:55
He can he?

Trisha Walker: 23:56
can. He can start mending a lot of that stuff, just naturally totally and he'll point to, because Sometimes you can.

Thomas Walker: 24:03
You can have problems and it looks like five areas, but if you just go attack the one root, that's yeah that's maybe damaged.

Trisha Walker: 24:10
You actually reap the fruit in other areas Of your life right.

Thomas Walker: 24:14
And so I think that's what you're hitting at as well it's like okay, lord, this feels overwhelming. Where do we go? Where do? We start and then let that begin to multiply in your life, yeah that's good.

Trisha Walker: 24:25
So how can people find you?

Clint Adams: 24:28
You can find this at revive SF comm and we'd love to. If you're ever in San Francisco, come visit us. We're a small church, but we're a family church and God's really doing some amazing things. Pray for us. It's. You know, it's very expensive to run a church in San Francisco and it's expensive to live there, and so we are 1% Christian in San Francisco, 1% practice in Christian. There's, there's mission fields that have more Christians than the city of San.

Clint Adams: 24:58
Francisco. So pray for us, pray that God would send revival to San Francisco. We believe he is. Yeah, there's gonna be a harvest of souls there.

Thomas Walker: 25:05
Amen, clint, jennifer, thank you so much. Thank you so much for having us such a blessing, you guys become such good friends.

Clint Adams: 25:13
We'd love hanging out with you guys, and this has been a blast being on the podcast.

Trisha Walker: 25:20
All right thank you so much for listening to seeds for your marriage with hosts Prisha and Thomas Walker. We pray this episode has given you tips, and tools and how to thrive in your marriage. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast and follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Trisha and Thomas.

Thomas Walker: 25:38
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